A Secretary's Rules For The Boss
"Rules Of Work"
1. Never
give me work in the morning. Always wait until
4 PM and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If
it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire
how it is going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at
every keystroke.
3. Always
leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be
creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If
my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, do not open the door
for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors
with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all
use of my limbs.
5. If
you give me more than one job to do, do not tell me which is priority. I am
psychic.
6. Do
your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go
or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If
a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a
promotion.
8. If
you do not like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in
conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If
you have special instructions for a job, do not write them down. In fact,
save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful
information.
10. Never
introduce me to the people you are with. I have no right to know anything.
In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my
shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be
nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your
life and send you straight to manager's hell.
12. Tell
me all your little problems. No one else has any and it is nice to know
someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay
so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait
until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals should have been. Give
me a mediocre performance rating with a token cost of living increase. I am
not here for the money anyway